P E R S P E C T I V E
Had the most amazing weekend away with my best friend of…how many years has it been now Ashley? Like 19? 20 years? OK so like a long freakin time! Our husbands love to hunt together and every year since having kids I couldn’t help but think, hey, we should do a little weekend away too! Enjoy nature..
(and the comfort of a hotel room bed instead of a tent haha)
So this year we made a go of it and decided to make a little trip to one of my most favourite places in the world, Whistler (and yesssss I know I was just there…check that blog post here), We went to the infamous Scandinave Spa – yes, it was as good as they say! – and had some much needed, kid free, girl time!
While there I had lots of time to relax, think, and just step back and look at life with some perspective, and no I didn’t have any crazy life altering epiphanies but I mean even those small changes in perspective can sometimes be life altering, if even in a small way…
I am a huge planner, and a dreamer – my husband would be the first to attest to this! This isn’t the worst thing, heck its probably one of my good qualities but sometimes, sometimes it comes at the cost of losing sight of the here & now.
I had a very weird childhood, broken family, lots of moving around, and nothing ever truly felt like home. There was so much distrust in my surroundings and the impending future, I really think this over-planning came as a result of not being able to control my situation (wow do I sound like a therapist or whaattt haha) but its true.. the only difference as I grew up, found my identity in Christ, and learned to heal and open my heart with time is that my planning may be a big part of me, but as my heart has healed its turned into dreaming.
Looking now at my life, I usually have most of my year, if not more, planned out – trips, big expenses, and the never ending house renos that I want to accomplish over a very large expanse of time. Sometimes I get a little lost in it, looking to the next project. Then this weekend it really hit me. Looking back at myself as a Kid, all I ever wanted was the one place to call home. I always loved interior design, something passed on from my Mom (albeit in a VERY different style haha), but I am also such a sentimental person, I wanted a house whether it was new or old, or poorly decorated, just a home. The first house I can remember living in, I hardly remember events of my life at that time, but I remember tiniest details of that home. The furniture, the wall colour, the decor, the placement of things. Its the things that made it home, its what I craved after we left.
This is the stage of life my kids are in, and will be in.
I feel so busy making plans, doing all I can right now, partially out of OCD, and partially for the love of it, but these “imperfections” I see in my home. Thats HOME to my kids. Once we change it.. it will never be the same again, just memories for them. I am not ready for it to be memories for them. I want to be more intentional, to love this house we are so blessed to have, to really sink our fingers into it, into its current being, for it to truly become a home, a part of us, the background of these amazing early years of life. The plans can wait, they will come, and I won’t probably ever fully stop tinkering around or adding to the Husbands to-do list he so GRACIOUSLY complies too (he’s really the best). But its time to take a step back and embrace these amazing memories I get to give my kids, in this beautiful mess of a house, that is our perfect home.