Hey C – Section Mama,
I see you. Maybe you have been there, maybe your going to or don’t know you will.
I had no choice really when it came to my birth experience, it was high risk, and since number 1 had come after a major uteral surgery.. my option to v-back wasn’t there. This isn’t a hate post on natural birth, or home birth, or v-back alike – I cheer on you mamas too! But what you mamas who are or will experience with C-section know, is the discrimination and insecurity that come with it. So for those mamas who may not have, maybe this provides you a little insight and understanding for those of us who did. It’s a roller coaster ride having your experience of Birth come at the expense of major surgery. There are so many things I wish I would have known, could have seen, could have been told. So thats why I am writing, so you will know…
It’s going to be painful
From the minute you begin to gain your feeling back in your legs, sometimes even before. The pain is there. You will have to stay on top of your meds to feel like a human being and not a zombie. Your abdomen will feel as if something has been torn out from it.. and hey!.. it’s has! Go figure. Major surgery isn’t for suckers. And you will have/had it. And now you have a newborn to care for.
The recovery is hard
You will be SO hungry. You fast before surgery, and can’t eat for several hours after. The stitches will itch, your staples will itch, your bandages will have to be changed and annoy you. You will want to shower and can’t. You will have trouble getting your baby, holding your sweet one to feed them will be excruciating. Getting to walk again for the first time just to get to the bathroom will be almost more then you can take. You will have guests. You will go home, you will have to care for a newborn and be sleep deprived and not lift anything for 2 weeks. You may have more children at home to care for and life to keep living. The recovery will be hard.
People will say hurtful things
“You took the easy way out” “I would have had a c-section too if they let me” “You didn’t REALLY give birth” “How did you get a push present when you didn’t have to push anything out?” and trust me there’s more. You will probably add to this list. People will try to put heir births and efforts above you, honestly no matter what way you give birth. To prove their strength? Their ability? Their God given blessing for the opportunity to give birth naturally? Who knows. But it stings. You know it. You will hear it or have heard it.
You will have a scar
It will look scary at first. The bloody bandage covering you is enough to make you sick. They will change it and you will want to look but be afraid of what you will see. You will be upset, and feel broken looking at the jelly where your baby used to be, the perfectly round belly that your little one snuggled in day and night, jelly now ravished with staples or stitches, oozing and leaving you marked for life across your bikini line. You will wonder if you will ever look sexy again, or if your husband will still love your body, or the new body you now have. It will be bright and pink. A reminder everyday.
You will heal
Healing will come. The scars do fade, the strength.. it comes back. You won’t remember this cloudy haze forever even though it feels you will never leave it. You will wish away the pain and the hunch it gives you walking. You will stand tall again. Give yourself rest. Give yourself grace. Tomorrow can take care of itself.
You are strong enough to get through it
You will carry your baby with ease, and get to the things you need to do. If not today, then another day. And that’s ok! You will drive again, you will pick up all your children and snuggle them without fear of being kicked in the stomach. You will wear non mesh panties again, you will be insecure of the scar in swimsuits but you will overcome it. We are over-comers as mamas. We have a strength no one can explain.
You are more then the words of others
Lay those words to rest dear friend, they do not define you. Don’t let their lack of knowledge or understanding bring you down. No number of pushes, no contraction, or contraction-less labor, or number of hours can tear from you the badge of Birth. It is your right to wear it. It’s a cup we all share no matter the form it came in. You are not lazy. You are not pathetic. You are a strong woman who did the best for their child and gave birth like a warrior. You will embrace your story
Because it is SIGNIFICANT. Every way a child is born is significant.
You will have a scar – but girl you still look gooooood!
A mark. A stripe. A pink line that in time fade to white. A birth badge of honour that serves as a reminder every time you dress. That your Children are or were earthside. You delivered them there. You grew them inside your inner most being, God knit him or her together and with his powerful hand and the blessing of other people he placed for this job, you did not die in childbirth. The statistics are high in c-sections, yes. But the mortality rate is now Low. Ask anyone who has served as a nurse or a doctor delivering babies in a 3rd world country where they do not have the amazing things available to them that we do. They will tell you. They know. This scar means survival. Celebrate and be thankful. This badge is proof that you are courageous and so incredibly blessed. Don’t let it destroy your confidence but empower you.
Both my Babies arrived via C-section. I struggled with all this and some more. But the worst part was being a part of a group of courageous women who all feel isolated despite a common ground. Lets end the isolation. Lets begin to celebrate our births and keep the conversation open! Your baby is here. You have survived. You gave Birth. Not in a conventional way, but you did. You TRULY did. I see you mama, sorting through these emotions and I hope your drawn to the last ones even though we all face the first. You are strong. Your experience is special.
I see you Mama. Xo